Sorry
by SVUFan4Life
Summary: Olivia hasn't been at SVU very long. She has fought her feelings for Elliot, and seemed to be holding it together. Then, one night goes too far between them. She runs away from him, and from her feelings... Can things be fixed between them? E/O rated M
1. Chapter 1

**thanks so much to my beta and cowriter in this story PrentissRose! she is awesome and I highly recommend checking out her stories if you haven't :D**

**In _this_ story, Olivia has not been at SVU very long. A few months. Her and Elliot have a night together that goes too far. She pushes him away. Can he get her back?**  
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italics_ are flashbacks/thoughts. **

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Olivia rolled over in her queen sized bed, admitting defeat to the insomnia that had overtaken her. She looked at the alarm clock that sat on her bedside table.

_2:32 am._

This was not unusual for her these days. Since starting at SVU she found sleep harder to come by. The awful things she heard from victims and what she saw daily was enough to make anyone go insane. In the 3 months that she had been there, she had never felt anything like this. Olivia stared at the void that was next to her in the bed. The void. The void that was weighing heavily on her. The void that didn't have to be there. The void that was now breaking her a little more each time she saw it.  
_  
2 weeks ago, 8:00 pm..._

_Elliot and Olivia sat across from each other at their desks, working to finish their paperwork that seemed to never end._  
_"Liv, if we get this done some time tonight do you wanna go out for drinks at Dave's__?" He held onto the hope that she would say yes. Drinks were not unusual for them after a tough week or tough case, and there were a lot of those at SVU. She looked up from her paperwork to find his blue eyes looking at her. She almost had to look away from the intensity before answering. _

_"Yeah, sounds good," Olivia answered with a bit of a smile. Since day one of working with him Olivia fought her feelings. She pushed away the thought of them being together out of her mind. Elliot was only her partner at work, nothing more. Elliot was also a very good friend that Olivia could say anything to and he listened. Olivia knew she had to move on from her schoolgirl crush. But damn the way he looked did not make it easy._

He almost had to look away from her too. He loved that smile. Elliot loved everything about her.

_Once at the bar, they had a couple of drinks to start out and began talking. About everything. They were both letting loose. Elliot couldn't help but smile at her and they laughed more in an hour than either of them had in a while. She saw those eyes again. They looked more perfect than they had before, if that was possible. Olivia couldn't fight what he was doing to her at this moment with the alcohol in her system. _

_He made sure to get her home safely down the block. They hung onto each other for support. He tried not to focus where her hands were placed or where his hands were. Elliot walked her up the steps of the building. Olivia fell backwards into him, not able to balance completely on her own. He laughed and so did she. They were face to face. "Liv," he whispered. Elliot took a chance and leaned in towards those perfect lips to kiss her. Olivia wanted to fight her feelings but no longer could and gave in. It was the most perfect kiss she had ever had.  
_  
_They continued their way inside up to her apartment, not able to stay off of each other. Olivia was wrong for doing this and she knew it, but she wanted it with every fiber in her body. _

They hadn't made an agreement to remain friends. They hadn't made any agreement at all.

_2 weeks ago, 4:21 am_

_Olivia awoke with someone's very strong and muscular body against hers. His arms gripped around her. Olivia began breathing heavily, trying not to panic. She was confused for a second until she realized everything that happened. It hit her like a ton of bricks. Elliot. The bar. Her porch. Her bed._

_Olivia got out of his grip quickly and covered up. He woke up abruptly to see her getting dressed. They had to get up for work in less than 2 hours.  
_  
_"Liv, what's wrong?," Elliot asked in a grumble from just waking up._  
_"What's wrong Elliot? Really? You see nothing wrong with this picture? You're still married! We're partners, at work! We just did what we did! That's what's wrong! That was not supposed to happen." She couldn't help but yell a little bit. She was angry, upset, frustrated. Olivia let go of the restraint that she had held onto for almost 3 months, and a few hours of drinks ruined it all._

_"Liv... calm down. Do you really think what we did was wrong?," Elliot asked, a bit hurt by what that meant. It meant Olivia didn't want it._

_"Elliot, just leave. Go home to your wife," Olivia said bluntly, gathering his clothes for him and giving them to him. "I'm going to shower now and I want you gone when I get out. See you at work," she said with as little emotion as possible. Olivia walked into the bathroom and locked herself in. She let out the cascade of emotions that flooded her. She silently began crying as she started the shower.  
_  
_Elliot was dumbfounded, but did as she wished. He ruined everything. What they had as friends, and now what they may never have as more together. Elliot took one final look at her bedroom and the bathroom door before gathering his things and leaving._

Olivia had pushed him out of her life more quickly than when he had entered it. She couldn't handle it. She regretted everything she had said. Olivia was great at running from her feelings. It was easier for her than to face them. She had faced many feelings over the course of her young life, and she thought it was easier to be numbed to it than to feel it.

Elliot lay in his bed, thinking about that night, remembering. He didn't want her to run. He caused this. Things went too fast between them, and he knew it. They both knew it was wrong. They both wanted it, at the time. He thought she wanted it as much as he did.

Olivia did want it, but wouldn't come to admit it that easily. That's all she could think about. She remembered his touch, his smell, every part of him. She knew that she needed him.

Elliot knew his marriage was falling apart more every day. He preferred to be at work than at home anymore. Olivia was there for him. She helped repair it a number of times in the past few months. She talked Kathy out of her decision to move out. He told Olivia it was all okay and thanked her for what she had done. He never had the courage to tell her he didn't love his wife anymore, but was instead in love with someone else.

This was Olivia being stubborn. They both wanted to have each other, but didn't know how to say it.

He couldn't let this go. Elliot got out of bed and started getting dressed. He had to know if she felt the same way. Elliot knew this was something he needed. Olivia was the someone he needed. Elliot looked at the clock as he left.

_2:40 am._

Time passed slowly as he made his way to his destination. Elliot's mind filled with lust and concern as he thought about Olivia. She hadn't called or texted about anything other than work since that night. With the amount of alcohol that had been consumed it was no one's intentions of it going that far. But it did, and they wanted more of it. They would never admit it it seemed and at this moment Elliot was very unsure if he was doing the right thing.

What had happened had been at the forefronts of their minds for 2 agonizing weeks. Elliot drove and realized he has no idea what he is going to do or say when she is in front of him. He does not know what to expect from her.

_Will she ignore me? Listen to me? Slam the door in my face? Hit me? Do all of that and more?_

Elliot knew she was unpredictable at this point. He couldn't help but run through everything that could go wrong. He had known her intimately only a short time, but knew her long enough to know Olivia was scarred. She was wounded from her past. She ran from anyone getting close to her. Olivia ran from fear, from commitment, from love.

_2 weeks ago- 8:49 a.m._

_"How was your date with Scott last night?," Elliot asked as they sorted out the day ahead of them. Olivia had started dating this guy a few weeks ago, and Elliot was happy for her. He just needed to make sure the guy was treating her right. Elliot did thorough background checks on every guy she was seeing. Scott seemed decent enough. _  
_"Fine," Olivia answered, not looking up from her paperwork. He knew instantly it was a lie, but didn't want to push for details. She would tell him if she wanted him to know. He left her alone. _

_A few minutes later, he heard Olivia sigh as she felt the need to come clean about what really happened. "I broke things off last night," she said softly. "I told him I wasn't looking for anything serious right now, and my job made it difficult." _

_He saw a bit of hesitation in her face. "Are you okay?," he simply asked. _  
_"Yeah I am," she said, and he could tell she was being honest. "He isn't the one," she said sarcastically with a chuckle, making reference to what all women say when they find the right guy. _

_"Any guy would be lucky to have you, Liv," Elliot said, then immediately wanting to take it back. It was the truth, but may be too much for what they had as partners. _

_Olivia only smiled at him as her heart skipped faster. She answered before it got awkward. "Thanks." She couldn't believe Elliot had just said that to her. _  
_Olivia thought she knew what she was doing. She broke it off with another great guy because they kept getting closer to very well kept and hidden secrets about her and about her past. They started taking down the walls that had taken her so long to build. _

Elliot was the only one who had ever gotten close enough. He was the only one close enough to see her take down those walls. It was always tough for Olivia, but he always saw the relief in her face and heard it in her voice when she revealed a little bit more of herself to him.

_Did I take advantage of her? Did she think I did? What if she didn't really want it?_ Elliot's mind raced with his frantic heart as he was only a few seconds away from her apartment building now. Thoughts of doubt and regret flooded his mind as he pulled into the parking garage, the rain beginning to beat down on the pavement in a steady beat.

He walked up to her door. Elliot stared at the letters and the imperfections of the door that he had seen a hundred times before for what felt like an eternity. The few minutes he was there felt like hours.

He finally raised his fist to knock as he inhaled as much as his lungs would allow. Elliot was nervous and felt his hands, and saw them, shaking. He felt the beads of sweat forming on his brow. Elliot never remembered being this nervous in his whole life.

_Here goes_ _nothing._

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**I hope everyone likes this so far! review? :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**And here it is! the second chapter! thanks to everyone already who is following and reviewing! much appreciated! :)**

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Olivia was laying in bed as she heard three distinctive knocks from the other side of the apartment. She looked at the clock again.

_2:56 a.m._

_Who the fuck would be knocking at this time?_

Olivia laid there thinking some drunk ass had the wrong apartment number. It had happened before. She ignored the knocking. It happened again, three distinct and loud knocks. It didn't sound like a drunk man's knocking. She knew that it would be frantic and would have no timing between the knocks. Olivia was now wondering who it could be and was getting a bit nervous. She climbed out of bed, grabbing her robe to cover up before going to her door.

She looked through the peephole. _Elliot? _Olivia's eyes widened at the realization of who it was standing there, at this hour.

Olivia placed her opened palms and forehead against the door, contemplating whether or not to open it.

Elliot stood there, guessing she was ignoring him. He would ignore him too at this point. He was about to give up and leave when he heard her voice. "What do you want Elliot?" Her tone was full of annoyance and some anger. It took everything to control her tone without breaking down in front of him.

Elliot didn't know what to do. This was not helping the pissed off mood she seemed to be in. It took him a second to gather his thoughts. "Can we talk?"

_Talk? What the fuck does he want to talk about? Right now? There is nothing more to talk about. _

As much as Olivia missed him she was still angry at him, and herself. She didn't know what he really wanted to talk about, and against her better judgment she unlocked the door and unlatched the chain on it. She opened the door. They stood there staring at each other, not sure of what to say or do. Olivia saw him, disheveled looking in the blue jeans and white t-shirt. He was starting to get a 5 o'clock shadow, as well. His eyes looked like he hadn't slept. His eyes. She loved his blue eyes.

Elliot looked at her. He saw her hair a bit messed up, but she was still beautiful to him. She was wearing her long black robe, tied at the waist. He saw the hurt and confusion in her brown eyes all at once, along with anger. Elliot was so caught up in her that he forgot how to talk for a moment.

Olivia was still staring at him, confused as to why he was really there.

"What the fuck Elliot? Are you going to stand there and stare or talk?," she snapped. She was annoyed, but if he didn't talk soon, she was going to completely lose it.

Elliot moved quickly. He walked past her into the apartment, and she didn't know how to stop him. "Liv... I just want to know if you feel like what we did was a mistake," he said frantically. She heard the hurt in his voice.

Olivia didn't know what to say. It was all she ever wanted to happen. That night was something she would never forget. It was a mistake to her because he was still married, and she swore never to do it, but it also wasn't a mistake because she wanted it and she truly loved him. Olivia was so fucking confused she didn't know where to begin.

"Are you gonna answer me?," he almost yelled, making her jump. Elliot had never acted like this with her. It was a different side of him and she didn't know what had gotten into him. Olivia looked at him to begin speaking.

"I-" Before she could really begin talking he stormed at her in a few steps before grabbing her face and began kissing her. Olivia tried fighting that but she couldn't anymore. She fell into the kiss quickly. She moved her hands to his shoulders before he detached to back away again. "If you can tell me you don't feel anything I will leave...right now," he said, not really wanting to leave.

"You're... You...," Olivia stammered. "You're still married." She breathed heavily.

"But you..._ you_ are the one I'm in love with," he admitted. She stared at him, almost blankly. What was she supposed to say to that? "You can't say you don't feel anything," he said hoping she couldn't. Olivia was still speechless.

Elliot kissed her again. If he had to stand there all night and kiss her until she admitted it he would do that. He knew she had to feel something. No one could do what they did that night and can honestly say they never felt anything.  
Olivia's body was on fire. Every nerve ending came alive. Elliot was her weakness. How could she say it? Olivia's mind was turning more into jello by the second. How could Olivia admit it's all she wanted? This was so wrong, but it felt so right. She felt their bodies together and his hands on her as she stood stunned, fighting every feeling that she could right now. Admitting this was admitting she was falling for him, and also he had won.

Olivia gripped his shoulders harder, fighting the moan creeping up in her throat as he continued his movements. He backed away only to reattach his mouth to her neck. That was a spot that drove her wild and he knew that. Olivia's mouth opened without sound as he sucked and kissed her pulse point. Elliot was trying to get her to admit it through her actions, her sounds. Anything.

Elliot's body was on hers and she felt him pushing against her everywhere. There was no escaping the heat in either of their bodies that was rising at that moment. She felt her knees getting weaker as he held her in place. Elliot's hands moved to Olivia's back and he pushed her harder into him. He stopped kissing her to catch his breath. Elliot had done everything he could think of and didn't know how else to get Olivia to admit it.

"I have my answer," Elliot said as he regretfully started backing away from her. He saw Olivia's reddened mouth from their kissing and her red neck. He had marked her for a couple days. It was going to remind her of this moment. That would make Olivia think about him when she looked in the mirror. She would see his mark.

Elliot was desperate for her to do something. He loved her and was in love with her. He wanted to wait for her, but he had done what seemed like enough of that. Elliot took in what he could of her appearance, and before Olivia could stop him or say anything, he was gone.

Olivia stood there, pondering the thought of whether it was all a dream or if it was reality. She was in complete shock. Olivia brought her hand to her lips from where his had been, recalling what had just happened.

Standing there, she realized it was all real. She had hoped and wished it was a dream, because right now her reality was becoming a nightmare. Olivia realized that she just lost the love of her life. Again. That pain was too much for her. Olivia knew she couldn't undo letting him walk out and couldn't take away his pain now that she had caused him. She hated knowing she did that to him.

She completely blamed herself at that moment. Olivia knew the walls she had so carefully built to keep people out of her life were keeping Elliot out and that was not what she wanted to happen. She wanted to be with him. She wanted that more than anything else. The sadness flooded over her mind as she began to break down. Olivia felt hopeless in that moment, and she never felt so stupid in her life. She sank down to the floor as she sobbed. She cried. For the first time in a while, she cried. Every emotion she was feeling in that moment poured out of her with her tears. Olivia was crying for her, for Elliot, and she was crying for what they could have been.

She cried for what she knew they should be. Olivia was beginning to feel like she couldn't breathe and couldn't stop crying. She had never cried this hard over someone she loved. She felt like she was going to pass out.

She took a deep breath to try to get control back, but everytime she thought of him more tears would fall.

_What have I done? I ruined everything. I shouldn't have let him go. I want him. I need him._

Olivia had admitted it to herself. She didn't just want him in her life. She _needed _him.

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Elliot felt the anger, the frustration building up. He clenched his jaw and fists as he paced outside his house to keep the sadness from showing. He was hurt.

_She didn't admit it. I'm so fucking stupid. I'm done. I can't do this anymore._

Elliot tried to say he was done with her and done with his feelings for her, but he knew he was lying to himself. He was broken. It was like the pieces of him were scattered and she had the ones that completed him.

_I shouldn't have left. I should have stayed with her. I want her. I need her. _

Elliot felt a few tears fall down his face. He cried for her, and he hardly ever felt enough pain like that to cry.

He cried because he needed her, too.

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**awww poor Elliot and Olivia! :( things always seem to get worse before they get better... hope everyone likes it! please review and tell us whatcha think! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**i am glad there are people that enjoy the story so far! i have a few chapters done ahead of time with my awesome cowriter PrentissRose, so we are able to upload a bit more instead of having to write as much in between :) hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much! **

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Before Olivia knew it, it was 5 in the morning. She cried for a couple hours and eventually became numbed to it all. Now she had to go to work, and face him. Olivia was good at hiding how she felt, but not when it came to him. Anyone who had to deal with the pain she did growing up became good at hiding what they were going through. But emotional pain was worse than physical pain.

Olivia couldn't help but replay what had happened over and over in her head. She played it so that the night before had turned out differently. She padded to the bathroom, reminiscing the night her and Elliot were together. Every step made the memory stronger than the second before. She remembered the way Elliot had her against the wall and kissed her like no one had kissed her before. She remembered the feeling she had when they were undressing. It was something she hadn't truly experienced until that night. Olivia had had sex with a few people at this point, but she never knew that feeling. She never knew what love felt like until Elliot.

She turned on the hot water, and that word flooded her mind as the memory of her and Elliot stumbling into the bedroom felt real again. Olivia would do anything to have that night back. She would do anything to feel him again, and she would do anything in the world to feel his love again.

Olivia undressed slowly before stepping into the shower and just letting the hot water run over her body. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back and remembered more.

_Elliot slowly climbed over her, coming face to face with her and kissing her passionately. Moans of pleasure and the scent of booze lingered as he ran his hands over her body.  
"You're beautiful," he whispered as he looked into her brown eyes. Olivia looked into his, feeling like saying something to him in that moment that scared her. Olivia smiled faintly and kissed him. He ran his hand down over her torso and touched her center, earning a moan from her. She needed more.  
"Please El," Olivia said in desparation. She couldn't wait much longer and he couldn't either.  
"Liv..." Before he could finish what he was saying she kissed him hard and ground her body against his, telling him with her movements what she wanted._

Olivia jumped out of the memory at the sound of her phone ringing. She took a deep breath, collecting herself before turning off the running water to answer it.  
"Benson," she answered in a calmer tone. "Be there in 30." Olivia snapped her phone shut before hurrying out of the bathroom to get dressed. Getting called to a crime scene instead of heading to the precinct meant it would be a long day ahead of investigating. She had planned before getting the call to catch up and file paperwork she was falling behind on, but now those plans changed.

Olivia grabbed her coffee and phone and ran out the door towards her destination. Usually Elliot gave her a ride but that was not an option at that time. She knew New York better than most, and knew the address was not far from her apartment. Sure it made it scary living in the city knowing these things were happening while she was at home safe, but she knew no matter where she was that she was never truly safe because things could happen to anyone, at any time. It was a thought that crossed her mind often, especially knowing what her mother went through. Her mind continued to wander as the sun just began peeking over the city.

The city was never quiet. Traffic constantly moved, people walking or riding a bike to work, and there was always something happening. As Olivia took in the sounds and sights of the city, she heard a faint voice yelling for her.  
"Liv!," the person yelled. She listened to it again, getting closer. Olivia could hear it more distinctly now and began picking up on who it was. She walked faster away from them. This was not going to stop her. Finally she heard their breaks squeal on the road and a car door open and close. Tears began forming in her eyes. She picked up her pace again getting close to a sprint and kept telling herself this wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. The person grabbed her arm harshly, stopping her from any other movements.

"Liv, didn't you hear me calling?," he asked. Elliot. He was there. She didn't understand since less than 4 hours ago he told her goodbye. She tried tugging her arm away to continue but he held onto her.  
"Elliot let go of me!," Olivia said harshly. She just wanted to get to work, and not be around him. She would have Cragen reassign her with Fin or Munch because she could not handle this. Olivia couldn't have him around. He never left her mind anyways. Not since that night. Him being around made it more unbearable than she ever thought possible.

Elliot kept his grip on her arm. "No. I want to know why you are walking to a crime scene instead of waiting for me to pick you up."  
She looked at him, confused and enraged from that statement. "YOU TOLD ME GOODBYE!," she yelled, earning stares from the people passing by. Olivia didn't care. She didn't want him giving her a ride today, or any other day for that matter.

"Liv just because I said goodbye to you in the way I did last night doesn't mean I can't give you a ride to work!," he said harshly, now getting angry himself.  
"Whatever. Just let me go. I'm late already," she said in a defeated tone. This was going to be much harder to get over than she wanted it to be. She struggled harder against him and his hold, feeling the lump in her throat telling her she was about to break down which pissed her off even more now. Olivia didn't want to do that in front of him. She didn't want to do it at all anymore. Last night was more than she could handle. Olivia wanted to make the point that she did not need a single thing from him right now.

Elliot held on with what seemed like little effort. Olivia was getting pissed he was holding onto her. "I am not letting you go," he whispered.

She groaned and struggled, feeling her energy leave her. "But you already did," she said again with the same defeated tone in her voice. Elliot felt tears come to his eyes. A piece of him broke. As much as it killed him, he decided he did have to let her go, in more ways than one right now. It was what was best for both of them. His grip loosened on her arm and she broke free, letting a stray tear roll down her cheek before quickly regaining composure.

She stood straight up and looked at him with a cold and angry look now. "You are the one who has to explain why we're late now." She began walking away as Elliot stood there stunned looking at her, now having to watch her leave. He didn't think anything could get more painful for him than that in that moment. Watching her walk away was tearing him apart, but it didn't seem like he had any other choice right now.

Olivia walked away, trying to keep her head held high and emotions from taking over. All she wanted to do now was go back to her apartment and sleep for days and try to finally forget all of what had happened between them. She knew this is what was best for them. They couldn't be together because he was married, and if they couldn't be together they couldn't be friends. It was just too hard for her to just be work partners with him. All they did was fight with each other, and with their feelings. She tried telling herself they were just confused. She tried telling herself anything other than the truth.

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**please review and let me know what you think :) thanks again to everyone reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**i love reading reviews! keep them coming ;) i apologize that this is a shorter chapter, but the next one is longer and that will be uploaded in the next few days as well! enjoy :)**

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"Martina Rodriguez, 39, raped, tortured, and murdered," the young, female uniform cop greeted her with a grim expression plastered on her face as the both of them ducked under the bright crime scene tape. Although, Olivia was beginning to get used to the overwhelming amount of newspaper reporters lingering outside of every single crime scene, today was slightly different. There were swarms of them, all snapping obnoxious photos of the darkened alleyway filled with uniforms, detectives, and medical examiners.

Up ahead she saw Elliot, bent over the body. Although she couldn't see his expression, she knew he couldn't have been happy, especially since her blow up at him this morning. She felt bad as well, but she needed to forget what had happened, at least for now. The number one rule Olivia had made for herself when she first came to SVU was that she would never, not in a million years, let herself get distracted from finding the son of a bitch who committed the crimes. She couldn't imagine the feeling she would get, had she known that she had contaminated the crime because of her problems that seemed petty compared to what these victims went through.

"How was she tortured?," Olivia wondered out loud as the body of the woman came into view. Martina must have been left naked, because the techs had covered most of her with a white sheet, so Olivia couldn't really spot all of her wounds. All she could see was her face, which looked awful. Shards of glass stuck out in random places, leaving thin trails of blood winding down her neck and over the dark patches of bruises. The only thing Olivia could think was at least now, she was at peace.

"I would ask your medical examiner that," the uniform said with an uncomfortable look, before she turned and walked away. This must have been bad. Finally, she got to where Elliot was and crouched down beside him. Olivia always felt weird standing over a dead body. It creeped her out to an extent she couldn't explain. Elliot didn't even look her way.

"She was burned with wax, whipped, and sodomized with foreign objects," a pretty, dark skinned woman said to her and Elliot, crouched across from them. Olivia recognized her as one of the medical examiners they normally never had. She never got her name, but she was always kind to them and never screwed up their evidence.

"Objects?," Elliot questioned. The M.E. nodded.

"I found splinters and considerable amounts of lubricant and semen inside of her. I'll be able to tell more when I get her on the table." Olivia sighed and looked up into the morning sun that glazed over her face. It was warm, the opposite of what Martina Rodriguez was feeling right now obviously.

"El, do you think this was racially motivated?," she asked, looking down at the body again. It was quite possible that it was. There were many anti-immigration groups out there and they would certainly take their hate this far, as extreme as it sounded. Even if Martina wasn't an immigrant, her name suggested that she was and that was worth looking into.

"I don't know," he answered bluntly, his baby blue eyes screwed up in concentration. "We gotta go back to the precinct and get everything we can on her to tell if she was even an immigrant."

"If this was racial motivation," Olivia said, a thought dawning on her, "it might be easier to find out who did this. They would have probably made approaches to her before, made a scene even. And they're usually proud of their actions, so chances are they won't lawyer up."

"That makes our lives a little easier," Elliot said. "But not Martina's."

They arrived at the precinct in record time. Olivia didn't have the energy, nor the patience to walk, so she let Elliot drive her. Although they spent the ride in an uncomfortable silence, it made her somewhat happy to know she was in his presence. Just being next to him, even if they weren't really on speaking terms made her happy.

"Martina Rodriguez," Olivia muttered to herself as she typed the woman's name, address, and I.D. number into the NYPD search engine. The precinct was practically empty and the silence made her uneasy, so she involuntarily found her duty to fill it. Fin, Brain, Jefferies, and Munch were out on another case involving a child pornography ring, the leaders being parents of two nine year old girls. Cragen was in a meeting. All the other uniforms and detectives that usually floated around the 1-6 were gone because everyone else was gone.

"Find anything?," Elliot asked, sitting across from her as he searched for any prior crimes that might match the M.O of this one. She nodded.

"She was the C.E.O. of a dating service called _Opposites Attract Inc_. Olivia gave Elliot a quizzical look as she kept reading, trying to focus her attention on the case at hand and not the sexy way he was holding his pen between his teeth. "They would uhm...get your information and then…uh… set you up with people who were unlike you. I guess that knocks off the racial motivation assumption." Her eyes never left the computer screen, in fear that if she did, she would be consumed with the ability not to speak.

"You certainly seem interested. Planning on signing up, Liv?," Elliot asked with a hint of snark in his voice. For a moment Olivia forgot all about her plan to avoid eyes contact. Her eyes shot up to meet his own, a sharp, angry look burning deep within them. Instead of looking at the way he was holding the pen in his teeth, she just remembered the night before, and now the comment was putting her over the edge.

"Why don't you join El? Oh, that's right, you have something called a _wife_." Olivia shot up out of her seat and shoved the chair back, grabbing her coat as she stalked over to the elevators. A mix of emotions was rising within her. She needed to get out of there, go somewhere, anywhere that would take her mind off of the burning feeling to go over and slap him and then kiss him as passionately as she ever could anyone.

"Where are you going?," Elliot called behind her. If Olivia didn't know any better, he sounded worried and slightly regretful of what he had said. She didn't want to admit it, but she found pride that he felt bad about what he did.

"Going to _Opposites Attract_. I'm going to find out more about Martina from her coworkers."

"I'll come," Elliot said hurriedly, grabbing his jacket from his chair and swinging it around his shoulders. Olivia held in a groan to herself. Jesus, the last thing she needed was for him to come. She was trying to get _away_ from him.

"No, El. Just go to the M.E. or something," she growled, suddenly very angry at how difficult her job was becoming with each passing minute. She hated that he was the reason it was now. She hated herself for letting it get to this point. If it hadn't happened things would be okay.

"But-"

"Elliot, please," Olivia begged, stepping into the elevator. "I really need some space." The last thing she saw before the doors closed was the heartbroken face of the man she was desperately in love with.


	5. Chapter 5

**thanks for all reviews/follows/favorites! :) **

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Olivia arrived at _Opposites Attract, _and was going to find out more about their victim. For now, she had to forget about what was going on between her and Elliot. She was going to do her job, and it was going to be done right. Not only for her, but for Martina.

A woman approached Olivia as she walked in, and Olivia knew what was coming.  
"Welcome to _Opposites Attract_, where we take you outside of your comfort zone to spice up your love life," the woman said. She walked over to the desk to grab a clipboard and pen. "We just need you to fill out the application and we can start matching you-"

"Uh, I'm not here to be a client," Olivia said as she pulled out her badge. "I'm here about your C.E.O, Martina Rodriguez."

"Oh, well Martina is not here right now. She is on vacation and won't be back for a couple of days," the woman said, changing the way she spoke to a more professional tone now. "Is there a message that I can leave for her of some sort?," she asked, not having any clue what Olivia might be telling her next.

"No, actually..." Olivia hated this part of the job, but knew it had to be said. "I'm sorry to tell you she's dead."

The woman now looked shocked and saddened by the news. "That can't be... I just talked to her yesterday... " Her voice trailed off as tears formed in her eyes. "I'm... her sister," she said, causing Olivia's stomach and heart to drop. She had no idea. If she did, it would have changed the whole situation. Olivia was kicking herself for missing that. The more she looked at the woman the more she saw the similarities between her and Martina. Both had long black hair, a darker skin tone, and the same facial features. Denise looked younger than Martina, but they looked a lot alike.

"I'm so sorry," Olivia said sincerely, knowing she had fucked up. That was the one thing she was trying not to do after what happened with her and Elliot, and she did it as the day was beginning. It was a rookie mistake, and Olivia knew she just gave the worst possible news to this woman. She missed the name tag, asking for a name or anything to get a name before delivering the news. Olivia assumed that the woman was only a receptionist at the place, and she was going to routinely ask questions to the receptionist, not the sister of the victim.

She heard the woman sobbing before asking. "How did she die? What happened? Who did this?," she asked in quick succession, giving Olivia very little time to process the questions. No matter how many times she did this it never got easier.

Olivia had to be the cop in the situation and give her as few details as she could. She was trying to spare Martina's sister some pain. The less she knew, the better. "Right now, we only know she had blunt force trauma, and... she died sometime last night. The M.E. is with her right now, and as of now we do not have any suspects," Olivia explained. "Would you mind coming down to the station to answer some questions? Whatever you tell us might help get to who did this to your sister."

The woman nodded her head. She got up from the desk and went to get someone from what looked like a lounge area of the place. Olivia saw her speaking to someone, and her reaction being as shocked and sad as the sister. And now Olivia saw it. Denise. Denise Rodriguez. Bold on a name plate on the desk almost right in front of her. If only she had looked right at the desk... God she felt like an idiot, and this was one thing she would not stop beating herself up for.

Denise walked over with a younger woman who looked to be in her mid to late 20's. She took her place in the receptionist chair.  
"Thank you Janet. I will be back as soon as I can," Denise said as she walked out with Olivia.  
"Take as much time as you need. I will take care of things here until you are ready to come back. I'm so sorry Denise," Janet answered, still having tears in her eyes from the news.

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Once back at the precinct, Olivia saw that Elliot had returned, as well. That meant he had gone to the M.E. or had stayed to gather more about the case. Either way, Olivia did not want to see him yet. Olivia walked straight past him towards the first free interview room. If he had news from the M.E. they couldn't say that in front of Denise anyways.

Olivia began asking her questions slowly, just so she didn't overwhelm her more from the situation. "Denise... How long have you two been in business together?"

"Um... About 2 years. She needed people working and she asked me. Things have been going well ever since," Denise explained.  
"Okay.. Were you two close?," Olivia asked, knowing that question could always be tough.

Denise paused as she took a sip of water. "You know, I would say it was perfect, but that would be a lie. We were sisters. We fought..," she quietly sobbed a bit more, "all the time. Over the dumbest things. If she were here.." She couldn't get anymore out before breaking down again.

Olivia felt her pain, seeing how much this was affecting her. Olivia never had a sister or a chance to have one, but she could only imagine the pain of losing one.  
"Denise... I know this is hard, and this next question is personal, but did you two ever use the services at your own company?"

Denise chuckled a bit, not knowing what else to do with that question. "Yeah, actually. Uh, she was having a hard time finding love, and saw some of the clients coming back with some of the greatest stories. She wanted that. She wanted a husband, a family..." Denise paused again.

"Did she ever meet anyone?"

"Oh, yes, of course. There were a few different guys that were interested in her. She seemed to really like one of them. Bruce Metcalfe. I liked him, too because of who he is and how he treated her. She finally got to experience what she wanted. He was the one for her and I could see it when he looked at her. He loved... her."

Now they were getting somewhere. "Denise... Were there any men that had threatened your sister for cutting things off with them?"

"Not that I know of... There were always the guys that were mad or upset about it if they really liked her, but I never overheard my sister getting threatened. I would have called the cops," Denise said. "She, on the other hand, would have said it was okay, and that it would be taken care of.."

"Is there any way I can see her files from your company and who she was talking with?," Olivia asked, hoping this would be the break in the case and lead to who did this.

"Um.. yes. All her files are in her office. Her computer is password protected, though. I don't know the password," Denise explained.

"Oh, that's alright. We will have our techs look through it all. We will probably be searching her home today, as well."

"She actually lives... lived with me," Denise said, catching herself as she spoke. "I just saw her last night. If only she had stayed in..."

Olivia heard that so many times before, in different cases. "Stayed in? She was going out somewhere?"

"Yes. I just got the name of a place, though."  
"What was it?," Olivia asked a bit eagerly. The more they had to start with in the investigation, the better.

"It is... a club of some sort. I think it is called _Mike's_ or something simple like that," Denise told her.

"Okay. Is there any other family or friends we can contact about this?," Olivia asked, unsure of how many people they had to inform of Martina's death.  
Denise let more silent tears fall. "Um.. Yeah, my parents. Her friends are all mine, too. I will... call them. They should hear it from me," she said, getting distraught again. "Can I see her?," Denise asked.

Olivia hated that question, and having to tell the loved ones no because someone's bodies and faces were too gruesome to show. People didn't need that image of a person they knew or loved in their heads. "That probably isn't a good idea," Olivia said, sadness in her voice.

Denise just slightly nodded her head at the answer, understanding what Olivia was trying to say.  
"Denise, I promise you I will find who did this. As soon as I know anything, you will. You have my card, and if there is anything else you can think of call me on this number or my cell phone," Olivia told her.

"Thank you," Denise said gratefully. Olivia led her out of the room and towards the elevators. She was silently getting angry as she walked past Elliot. As soon as those elevator doors closed, he approached her. It wasn't personal, it was to tell her about the visit to the M.E. he had.

"M.E. said the semen found in Martina had no matches. She said... it was probably a few hours that she was tortured before she died. She didn't have drugs or alcohol in her system. But... she was pregnant, Liv," Elliot said, getting a glance up from her. Olivia had been staring mostly at the floor. _Great news for the sister_ Olivia said sarcastically in her mind.  
"Did you get any names for suspects?," he asked, hoping to drag out their communication a bit longer.

Olivia walked past him towards the dry erase board to explain what she found out, trying her best to hold it together. "Not really. Her love interest from her own company, Bruce Metcalfe, but the way she talked about him Martina was in love with him, and he loved her. I don't think Denise did this, either. She gave us permission to search Martina's office and home, though. Martina lived with Denise," Olivia said, summing up what Denise had told her and her own thoughts on the case. "Martina went to a club last night. _Mike's." _Olivia scribbled things out on the board to try to start making connections and possible breaks in the case. She figured they would have more after searching files and personal areas.

"Okay, then we can go there," Elliot said as he grabbed his coat. Olivia couldn't avoid this one. As they headed towards the elevators, Olivia felt the anger again. Elliot sensed it. "Do you wanna talk about last night?," he said quietly, hoping she would because he still wasn't quite sure. She saw the elevator door close and couldn't hold it in any longer.

"What the fuck is there to talk about?," she asked, sensing a repeat of what was said last night. "You left. And because of you I screwed up today. If you hadn't showed up at 3 in the fucking morning I wouldn't have done that," she told him, referring to the name tag incident. He had no idea what she was talking about, and it only seemed to fuel his anger, too.

"How the hell is it my fault when you wouldn't talk? I had no choice but to leave!," he spat. "As far as your mistake, it isn't my fault you let things get in the way of your job." He wanted to take that back the moment he said it.

She stared at the ground, and knew she had to get out of there. "Fuck you." She was thankful the doors opened a second after and she quickly walked out ahead of him. Now he had fucked up, over something ridiculous that shouldn't have happened to begin with.


	6. Chapter 6

**thanks to everyone reviewing and favoriting! sorry for the late update, but hope everyone enjoys it :) **

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The ride to _Mike's_ was a silent and boring one with minimal eye contact and Elliot constantly clearing his throat. Olivia attempted to distract herself by counting the number of homeless people she saw, but she began to lose interest after 20.

When they arrived at _Mike's,_ which seemed like forever, they were both surprised to see that it wasn't the stylish kind of bar they were expecting. It was the opposite of their expectations. On the outside it looked run down and grimy, covered in graffiti, like the kind of place where drugs were sold out of the back. Elliot and Olivia exchanged a worried glance, causing Olivia's heart to start beating like a hummingbird on crack. She knew it was purely the one worrisome thought they each had when they saw the place which was there were several possible reasons Martina was in a place like this and none of them were good. Neither of them wanted this case to turn into a narcotics bust of some sort and neither of them wanted to have the experience to tell Denise what exactly her sister was doing at _Mike's_. Still she focused on the things Elliot Stabler could do to her with only a look.

Olivia had the sense to collect herself from her brief moment and lead the way into the bar, opening up the rickety entrance that looked as if it had been spray painted by kids over a hundred times. The inside was somewhat like the outside only somewhat warmer than the early December air and almost no graffiti. The walls and floor were dusty and the dim lights overhead only heightened Olivia's drug dealer theory. One good thing about the place though, was that it was nearly empty. There was one guy slumped over in a chair in the corner, snoring loudly and who must have been the bartender, lazily watching some soap opera on a shitty T.V.

"Excuse me, sir?," Olivia asked politely approaching him, leaning over the counter. The man looked up at her and grunted what must have been his response. "Are you Mike?" The man grunted once more which they assumed was a yes. "We're with the NYPD. I'm Detective Benson and that's Detective Stabler." She ushered behind her, where Elliot stood with his arms crossed.

Mike sighed heavily. "What can I help you with?," he muttered in a gruff voice.

"We'd like to asked you a few questions about a woman who came here last night," Olivia said. She reached into her pocket and fished out a picture of Martina before she died since her face was barely recognizable now and a notepad.

"Sure, yeah. She was here around 6," Mike said jabbing at the picture with his pudgy hand. "I remember her over there in that booth," he pointed to a booth nestled in the darkest, farthest corner of the bar. "She was with some guy, handsome, looked about her age… Why what's wrong with her?"

"She was murdered last night," Olivia replied. "Did anything else stand out last night about them? Were they arguing?"

He seemed to consider this for a moment. "They weren't arguing…not really. You could call it an intense conversation."

"Did you overhear anything that they said? Any names you could pick up on?," Olivia asked, still scribbling down his answer to the previous question.

"Somethin' about the guy's brother, but I didn't get a name," Mike said, shaking his head indicating he couldn't remember anything else.

"When did they leave?"

"Maybe around 9ish…?," he said as more of a question than an actual answer. "I'm sorry I don't remember much, it was a slow night and I dozed off."

"Okay, would you mind coming down to our station and working with a sketch artist? It's very urgent that we find this man in case he has some sort of connection to her death." Mike seemed to hesitate.

"Well, umm I do have a bar to tend to. Can't this wait?," he ushered around the bar which was still empty as ever.

"Look sir, we understand you have higher priorities than this, but it's extremely important and it would slow the investigation down," Olivia said, praying he would agree. God forbid this case got any worse by getting delayed. As soon as they got this guy's picture out to the public, the sooner they would figure out if he was the perp and the sooner they threw someone's sorry ass in jail.

"Fine," Mike mumbled pulling his rather overweight self out of the chair. He smelled like booze and hadn't showered in a month. Olivia could only hope that he was as much help as she thought he could be. He seemed to know a lot.

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"No, no, his nose was smaller and pointier," Mike said, sounding quite irritated with the sketch artist as they worked out what this mystery man looked like inside the interrogation room. Although Elliot had had his doubts about Mike at first, the guy had a pretty decent memory.

"Do you think he's in the system?," Olivia wondered out loud from beside Elliot as they watched Mike's complaining through the glass window. Her feelings were mixed about whether or not their rapist would be in it. The violence and brutality of the rape was more than enough to suggest that it wasn't his first time, but if it wasn't his first that meant that there were other open rape cases somewhere else that had the same M.O.

"I don't know. You don't just escalate to rape and murder… hopefully he was arrested for something prior and the facial recognition will catch it," Elliot said.

"But what if it doesn't? I mean her own sister didn't even have an idea of who she could be meeting up with. Plus with no semen, we're screwed," Liv huffed, massaging her temples. She was so stressed already about this case and now had a splitting headache, not helping the situation.

"Look, Liv, it's fine," Elliot said, placing his hand comfortingly on her arm. "Just have a little bit of faith. Even if it doesn't register in the system, so what? He could be someone from _Opposites Attract_ and we'll show it to Denise to be sure. If we don't get anywhere in that area, we'll post flyers. I mean someone has got to have seen this guy around."

"Right," Olivia muttered, sliding away from his hand and heading back out towards the bullpen. He couldn't help but stare out after her like a lost puppy. Elliot didn't know whether or not she was still pissed at him, but she certainly seemed like it, especially with her obvious attachment to this case. The want he felt for her was still overwhelming and he couldn't stand to think that he ever walked away from her, someone he knew was so reluctant towards love. It hurt him, a lot, but in a weird way he understood why she did it.

Olivia sat patiently at her desk, waiting for the awful pain in her head to go away. She knew it was related to the lack of sleep, her and Elliot's consistent fighting, and this case, which seemed to be getting nowhere. Sure, they knew where she was, but only that she was at some dingy bar with some other guy. She knew that she should be thankful that they were getting a seemingly reasonable sketch out of the bartender, but it just wasn't enough. They needed to nail this guy and hard. For the amount of torture he saddled on Martina, he deserved worse, but Olivia would settle for life in prison.

"Liv," Elliot emerged from the interrogation room, closing the door gently behind him. "Look, they're gonna be in there for a while. Mike keeps bitching about wanting to get it just right. Do you wanna get out of here and grab something to eat?," he asked, hoping to God that she would say yes. All that he needed right now was the reassurance that they had the patience with each other to work, that's all he wanted to ask her. He didn't get the answer he was hoping for.

"I have a better idea. Why don't we go search Denise's office and home for the names of men she was seeing from _Opposites Attract_? Then we can ask Martina about the ones she knew of and which ones could be suspects in this." Elliot nodded, pretending that he actually agreed with that idea. This whole thing was so emotionally draining for not only him, but he knew Olivia as well. He only hoped that she wouldn't get in over her head at this point.


	7. Chapter 7

**sorry for the delays in stories... I am not too inspired these days to write. but hopefully you guys enjoy the chapter! **  
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Car rides in silence were quickly becoming the theme of the day for Elliot and Olivia. At that point he was just afraid at that point of saying something that would piss her off even more than she was already. Olivia just didn't know how to talk to him at that moment about anything other than the case.

They stood outside of the building until CSU arrived on scene to help them search for evidence. At first glance it appeared like a normal office space for a CEO. It was a professional office complete with a clean and organized desk and bookcase. There was a large window on the far wall that gave a nice view of the city.

CSU got to work unlocking her computer and finding hidden compartments in the office that Olivia and Elliot couldn't get into on their own. Olivia found Martina's date book on the desk in the far corner and thought that would have leads of who she was meeting the day she died. There were piled up files on the desk, as well.

There were a lot of initials throughout the book that Olivia didn't recognize right away. There were certain times of the day marked before Martina's death and plans made for the week ahead. There were four or five consistent initials marked in. As much as she didn't want to get help from Elliot, they were still on the case together and she wanted to know what exactly all of it meant.

He skimmed through as she had done, and realized the same pattern. "Well, we know these are names. The only one I can spot that is familiar is B.M. Her boyfriend was Bruce. The others are either business or potential dates behind his back. We need to speak to him and find out his alibi for the time of her murder. If it was other dates and he found out she was cheating, that would piss anyone off enough to want someone dead."

Olivia just slightly nodded, agreeing with him.

"Hey guys, we're in," the tech sitting at the computer said. Her desktop chimed as it opened up to the home screen. Olivia and Elliot stood over his shoulder watching as he scanned the files on the computer looking for anything that would help the investigation.

Right away the tech pulled up the files left on the computer. He searched the search engine and her emails, which were professional or personal. Nothing seemed out of place or unusual. He was clicking around so fast Elliot and Olivia could hardly keep up.

He clicked a link that popped up, then it got interesting. Elliot raised his eyebrows. "Looks like Martina was into some pretty heavy stuff," Elliot said, looking at the screen as a porn video played.

Olivia just glared at him. "Yeah, well that's her in the video. Pete can you minimize the video and go back to the email attached?" Olivia had a hunch. It was one of the most recent emails she had before she was killed.

Pete closed out of the window to the email. "Here it is. Right underneath."  
Olivia read aloud. "Hey whore looks like we both had some fun. I bet your boyfriend would like to know you are cheating on him." Olivia paused. "Blackmail to meet the person that sent it? Can we get a lead on who sent this?"

Pete clicked around. "No. There is no specific time stamp on it and it's not traceable back to any specific IP address. Anonymous basically. This person knows their way around a computer. We might be able to clear it up to get a better look at the guys face but right now there isn't much to see. It's mostly her showing in the video. I will take it back to the lab and see if I can get a general area for it."

Elliot spoke up. "So if this guy was blackmailing her to meet him, he might have been the one to kill her."

Olivia nodded. "Yeah. We will have to talk to Denise and see who this could be. There are files in the computer of different men and we can match those up with her date book to find out who she was meeting."

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It took Olivia and Elliot the rest of the day to match up all names with the initials and times. Besides Bruce, they were able to narrow down 3 men that were not professional partners of any kind. The other men also had alibis for the time of the murder or were not in the city when it happened. The only time Olivia and Elliot spoke was about the case, and it was getting old for him not being able to talk to her about anything else.

Their next trip was to see Denise and ask about the men's names in the book. They had evidence from the office that suggested Martina was being blackmailed by someone. They were hoping Denise could tell them who it was, or at least give them a lead.

After a half an hour spent in the car with nothing said, Elliot tried speaking to her. "Liv, we need to talk," he said.

She just rolled her eyes. "I don't know what you would like to talk about. I thought we said everything we needed to last night Elliot. Oh, and today. Maybe I will consider joining a dating service, because I need help finding a guy who isn't married," she snapped.

Elliot sighed. As angry as the statement made him he had to stay calm. "I don't want to fight anymore. We need to get past this. Right now. And I will stop this car if I have to so you will talk to me. Liv, I want you to be a part of my life. Even though things didn't turn out the way we wanted them to last night, it doesn't mean it has to be any different. Can we just go back to the way it was before?" He didn't know how much more he could take of this between them. It had been less than a day of tension and he could hardly handle it.

Olivia didn't answer at first. She thought about what he had said. Could she really fight her feelings for him and still be his partner? She came to the conclusion in her mind she did it for months before that one drunken night happened, so maybe she could figure out a way to do it again. She had to try to forget the night before, and anything that had happened between them, and had to forget them. He was married, with kids.

She looked out the window instead of towards him before answering. "Fine," she simply said. She didn't know how much he wanted but that is the answer he was getting. It wasn't going to go back to "normal" that easily, not after what was said and done between them, but she knew she had to try.

Elliot couldn't explain his relief at that little bit of an answer. It was better than nothing or another fight. He was just hoping she was willing to give it a chance and let it get back to where they were.

Olivia, however, was unsure of her answer. She was ready to pack up what she had and get away. She was already running through the options in her mind.

They couldn't talk anymore before they got to Denise's apartment, but Elliot was thinking maybe later he would have a chance to.

They saw Denise carrying out boxes as they came out of the elevator. They were labeled, as if she was going to move. They wouldn't question that. She just lost her sister. Denise stopped for a moment to look at them before going back into the apartment. Elliot and Olivia followed her inside.

"Denise... This is my partner Detective Stabler," Olivia said. Denise grabbed her glass of wine off the counter. Olivia saw her face reddened and eyes puffy. She was still crying, and Olivia still felt horrible for what had happened earlier that day. She had to push that to the back of her mind.

"What are you doing here?," Denise asked as she took a seat at the small dining table.  
"Martina had names in her date book we can't figure out, and we were hoping you could help us with who they were."

Denise looked at them. "You think one of these men killed her?"

"It's possible. We just need you to tell us how they know your sister if you knew them," Olivia told her. After they got that information they could find the men and verify the stories of how and why they were meeting Martina.

Denise took a drink of wine. "Okay. What are their names?"  
Olivia held up her paper. "The first one is Michael Peters."

"Michael... he is like our big brother. We have known him since we were kids. Our whole family does. He wouldn't have done this."

Olivia marked it down in her notes. "The next one is Ryan Carter."

Denise took a moment to think. "Oh she told me he was a friend. I met him a couple of times. It has been a while since I have seen him, but she probably saw him to catch up. Nice guy. I don't know much about him though."

"Okay what about Adam Lodanski?"

Denise furrowed her brow. "That name doesn't mean anything to me. Usually I meet her friends at some point or she mentions them. I don't know him that I remember."

As far as Olivia and Elliot went, all these men were still suspects until they got their alibis. "Thank you Denise. We will call you when we know something." For now they were happy to be getting somewhere with the case.


End file.
